Learn to be Lonely

I’m lonely. It is funny because I am surrounded by family and/or friends constantly.

I think it is because I alienate myself. I lost two close friends due to some issues between us. My girls, who were my besties, have all moved on. I don’t have a significant other…

It’s not like I don’t have anything to do. I am busy with work where I talk to people, school where I kinda am social, and theater which is my major social outlet. I know some amazing people. And I like basically everyone I meet.

But I don’t have people my own age to sit and talk with. No one knows my deepest secrets. I don’t have that bond with anyone anymore. I get that friends move on. They get married and have kids and that is life. But because I am perpetually single and childless sometimes it hits me how different our lives are and how they are married to their best friends and I’m…just me.

I’m okay with being single. I’m okay with being childless. I guess I just want to feel like I belong. There is a line that my character is Sister Act sings, “Gotta get to a place where I finally know I belong. Gotta get to a place where at last I’ll be loved and be needed.” She is searching for those feelings and I feel like in my life I am searching as well.

Yes, I like my life right now. I’ll graduate next year, I’m very happy with the trilogy I am working on, and I have grown as an actress and singer. But I guess I crave my human companionship? I have my family who will love me no matter what, but I guess I want more? I don’t know. Mostly I don’t crave this. I am fine on my own. But occasionally I feel that ache inside for those deep friendships I once had. And sometimes I think love might be nice. “Someone to make me aware of being alive”.

Sorry for the depressing post. I guess I am just a little sad today. I had to get it out or I’d start crying. I’ll feel better and be back to normal tomorrow.,,probably.

 

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