I don’t know if you would call this an attempt. My family sure thought so.
I had had a really bad week. I had just moved back in with my parents and I was in two shows, Aida was performing and I was in rehearsals for Christmas Carol. I wasn’t happy though. I was poorer than poor because a job that I had turned out to be a scam and they didn’t pay me, which is why I had to move back in with my folks. It also made my friendships really tense.
Before a performance of Aida I stopped for dinner and a whiskey. That whole night was just bad. I texted two friends on the way home and told them I hated them. I then contacted my double for Aida and asked if she could finish the run herself. Then I texted the stage manager for Christmas Carol and quit.
I got home and was a crying mess. I let my parents know I wasn’t in a good place and my sisters, my beautiful sisters, came over to watch me that weekend. They spent the night in the same room with me to keep an eye on me.
The next day I wanted to be alone to do some destructive behavior and one of my sisters, Katie, jumped on my car and called the cops because she said I wasn’t going anywhere without her. I wasn’t going to kill myself….yet. I told her that I planned on doing it in a couple months so she shouldn’t worry. But I allowed her to come with me while I ate bad food and shaved my head.
I’d never let my family actually see me get that low. I am grateful that they stuck by me. I was convinced to stay in Christmas Carol, which I am happy about because that was my 6th year doing the show and hanging with my normal crowd. People tried their best to lift me up and comfort me and it worked.
My low moments since then have never gotten that low. I realize that I am a lucky girl to have some pretty awesome friends and family members. I am lucky to be loved and all I want to do is love in return. So thank you all for being there for me. You never know that the little things you do make a huge difference in my life. THANK YOU.