I have never been a strong person. I take things hard. I cry..a lot. I get angry. I get depressed. Small things set me off.
But I am growing each day. I am changing each day. I may not be a perfect person, but I am striving for my own version of perfection. I may not believe that I am going to a Heaven or a Hell, or even that those thing exist, but I can be a good person.
Just because I don’t believe there is some all mighty being judging me doesn’t mean that I will make bad choices. Just because I am not working towards a goal of Heaven doesn’t mean I am a bad person. In fact, I think it makes me better.
See, here is how I see it. Church goers are good people. But a lot of them are good people because they have to be. They need to be good so they can get to heaven. They want to make God proud. I’m not saying I am better than these people, but I don’t have an end goal in sight. I am a good person because I love people. I am a good person and show it through my actions because I want to. There is no prize for me in the end to reach for. I do good things just because.
Some people think I’d be much better off if I believed in a God. I would never be alone because I’d have Christ and God. I’d always be loved. I’d have someone who knew what I was going through or feeling. But you know what? I am loved by my family and friends. I’ve got the unconditional love of a dog. I am learning to love myself every day.
And not having a God to rely on makes me turn to my fellow man. I become closer with people who have been through what I have been through. It makes me become more aware of myself and of the people around me, which makes me more empathetic. It makes me HAVE to be stronger.
“I know that I’m perfect, even though I’m fucked up
Hymn for the hymnless, don’t need no forgiveness
‘Cause if there’s a heaven, don’t care if we get in
This is a hymn, hymn, hymn for how we live, live, live” -Kesha
And to be honest, I don’t want to believe in a God who allows such horrible things in the world. I don’t want to believe in a God who allows people the agency to commit murders and abuse and suicide. I know some people reading this will say that life is a test. It is meant to be hard so we can make the right choices ” and return to live with our Heavenly Father”. If you need to believe that to justify the actions of people in the world, then good for you. I need to believe in nothing but man, because then I can blame man for the stupid things they do.
I make my own choices, right or wrong. I am not influenced by some good or evil spirit. So you can blame me for the stupid things that I’ve done. I can blame me. And then I will turn around and make things as right as I can in this horrible world we live in.