Hello. My name is Becca Rose and I am obese.
I currently weight 295 pounds and stand at 5’6. I think that actually makes me morbidly obese. I remember the first time I thought I was fat. I was in middle school and I just didn’t fit into my cheerleading outfit the same way the other girls did. I also remember going to my 8th grade graduation dance and thinking that my arms looked fat.
I didn’t care much about my weight until I started acting. Before that, in high school, I just wore baggy clothes. I’m not sure how much I weighed in high school, but I was probably considered chubby, though I was certainly less than I weigh now.
Musical theater made me aware that I was out of shape. Since then I have been battling with myself to lose weight. My lowest weight in my adult life would be when my brother Jacob was coming home from his mission. I wanted to look good to surprise him and I was also staring in Once on This Island. I remember I was going to school and working part time, but I still woke up at 5 am to go to the gym. I weighed around 170 pounds.
My year of depression found me eating 1,000 calorie burritos at 10 at night, drinking loads of alcohol, and laying in bed all day. That was when I first got over 200 pounds. Since then the scale has been steadily creeping up.
I lead a sedentary life. I sit at a desk for work, I sit at a desk for school, and my idea of fun is sitting at a desk to write or sitting on the couch to watch TV. The most active I ever am is when I do a musical because it forces me to be on my feet and occasionally dance. Currently my legs hurt from dancing at last night’s rehearsal of Topsy Turvy.
I have tried to get in shape. It is easy for people who have never been obese to offer advice. ” Count calories. Keep a food diary, work out thirty minutes a day.” And while I like the advice, losing the amount of weight I need to lose is daunting. Even if I didn’t sit for the majority of the day, I am addicted to food. I can survive without sugar and soda, but I love carbs. Every once in a while I get a health food kick and I start cooking veggies and proteins, but the most I lose is maybe twenty pounds and then I fall back into old habits and gain it all back.
The problem that I have is that the people in my life typically have 20 pounds or less to lose. I don’t have anyone, at least any girls, in my life who have over 100 pounds to lose. I watch Youtube videos and follow instagramers who have lost the amount I want to lose, but it is hard to motivate myself to kick it into gear. I am depressed so I eat. I am lazy AND busy so I don’t work out. I just don’t know what to do to actually lose the weight I need to. My own mother wants me to get a gastric bypass, but I feel like I should be able to do this on my own.
I don’t know. I’m just a little lost. I know I need to lose weight to lead a long life. I need to lose weight so I can continue to get cast and also get better roles. I wish I was like Chris Pratt and someone could basically pay me to lose the weight. But, as an ordinary busy person, it just sucks and it is hard. I know I need to change, but I just don’t know what to do.